"What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough?
Isn't it better not to know?"
I love walikng up to Austrians and just saying "Hey! You might be related to Hitler!" I also enjoy being hanged, shot, or gassed.
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I am going to kill Livejournal. I shall smite it with the fury of a thousand tiny fists, and it shall complain of a slight headache before realizing it actually has a tumor the size -and approximate shape- of a sumo-wrestler. And then, I shall kidnap Wayne Coyne and make him my mistress. For I had written quite a lengthy text extolling the numerous virtues of the awesome Flaming Lips, but alas, my finger slipped, and I did end up on the site of some crap or other, and I did wail howwibly howwibly as the "restored draft" turned out to not be my meticulously crafted piece of propaganda, but rather three words of no importance, obviously written whilst inebriated. So, fuck. Here's a picture of my beloved:
Is he not adorable? Verily I say unto thee, he is like, totally, like, hot, you know.
And here's a video. Unless LJ decides to be a bitch and do the same thing it did last time, in which case it is at the beginning of the entry.
Oh, I'm back in Iceland, for exactly the amount of time it takes to get enough money to go back to Amsterdam. Everybody was nice, especially my two hosts, Anne-Marie and Keith, on one of which I had a wee crushie. One of them looks like Dustin Hoffman and sounds like Mark Steel, rides a Suzuki Somethingorother, and the other is a very nice girl who shares my taste in music and books. Guess which one I had to go all giggly over. Sometimes I think my taste is hopeless. Most of the time I'm glad for it, since it translates to less sharing.
Ah, the wonderful world of incoherent rambling!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Anyway, here's yet another pointless list. This time, I think I'll list...oh, say, things that make me happy. Let's make it a top ten.
Ever since I was a kid, I've loved cheese, especially melted cheese. After I reached teenagehood, and subsequently acquired the cold, hard cash required to purchase said dairy products, I've gained a new appreciation for various kinds of curdled mammal juice. Thus far my favourite cheese is a lovely truffle-brie, which effectively combines one of the most expensive foods in Iceland (foreign dairy products) and one of the most expensive foods in the world (french truffles). Aside from that, I enjoy all sorts of cheese, from Philadelphia cream cheese to brie to blue cheese. The one kind of cheese I don't really want to try (though I probably would if I had the chance), is casu marzu.
9. Altering clothes
I just love finding clothes that inspire me. Whether it's a shirt that makes a cool top or a bit of leftover curtains turned into a snazzy skirt. Unfortunately I've never really learned to sew, so my mom alters them for me. I design them though....
8. A blank slate
There's really nothing morer inspiring to me than a new notebook/blog/sketch pad. Which is probably the reason I have seven blogs so far. I'm trying to break the (very expensive) habit of constantly buying new books, but it's not working too well so far. Well, it's the best cure for writer's block I know.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Why would I put beer in seventh place? Well, I ran out of ideas, because I'm drinking beer. But beer does make me happy, but not just in that drunken-happiness kind of way. I love discovering new beers, which is one of the reasons I'm looking forward to my trip. Hello, Belgium!
I love cooking. Especially when it turns out great. Which (oh, I'm so modest) it often does. I love experimenting with food, and -in my humble opinion- is one of the things that make a good cook. I love mixing oils, and for your benefit I shall include one of my favourites;
A lot of vegetable oil.
Ground white pepper.
Ground coriander seeds.
So, you'll want an approximate ratio of 1 part paprika to 1/2 pepper, 1/2 coriander, 1/8 garlic, 1/8 onion powder to 6 - 6 1/2 parts oil. Mix all the ingredients, and then microwave it (ot heat it in a small saucepan), and let it cool. The nice thing about this recipe is that you can re-use the spices several times by replenishing the oil each time you use some.
Not the wild-haired guitar player, but rather the genre. For those not familiar with the term, you suck. Slash is a sub-genre of fanfiction, usually including some sort of homosexual relationship. My primary ships (slang for "relationships") are Harry/Snape, J.D./Dr.Cox, Shawn/Lassiter and Wilson/House. My secondary ships are Snape/Sirius, Snape/Remus, and Ben/Dr.Cox. Judge me if you will.
I. Love. Cats. I have three, and I can't pass one in the street without pursuing it for a while in hope of a petting (that is, that I get to pet the cat, not the other way around). The best (and worst, since they were all strays) part of going to Marmaris was the cats. I'd buy them kebab chicken, and they'd follow me around. So, when I grow up, I'm gonna open a cat shelter. How can people not love cats? I've never understood that.
Well, knowledge in general, but especially obscure knowledge. I get all giggly picking up new information, and I am the champion of Trivial Pursuit. I love QI (although I'd probably suck at it, since I'm better at trivia than being interesting), and I love correcting people.
Aaaaaaaaaaand....the #1 thing that makes my heart do cartwheels and my brain go all giggly iiiiiiissssss.....
1. Fucking with people!
Yes, I love making other people's brains go "Whu!?"
I like dressing up as a punk and giving old ladies my seat on the bus. I like acting all tough whilst listening to classical music. I love subverting people's expectations. There's really nothing like it. Besides, I like to think that my little mind-fucking experiments help break down the barriers of prejudice.
Ohm and before you start thinking of me as some sort of activist, let me mention that I also do it the other way around, dressing all fancy-schmancy whilst acting incredibly uncouth.
There are a few other things that make me happy, but these are the ones I could think of right now.
Here's a list of books that have influenced me in some way. In no particular order;
by Sam Kieth
A comic book about high-school student Amy Smooter, who crushes on her guidance councellor, oozes blue goo from her feet when she feels shame, is protected by circles and attacked by squares, and saves the world. This book, recommended to me by a guidance-councellor-type-figure I had a terrible (and obvious) crush on, was the center of my world for a few months. The reason? Well, as Mr. Crush recommended it, he said it reminded him of me. I've often wondered if that was his idea of a cruel joke, since it caused me to read the book in record time, re-read it a few hundred times, and endlessly wallow over what he could possibly have meant. You'll forgive me my teenage angst if you read it.
Oh, and I occasionally use Zerogirl as an internet handle, and those eyes in my avatar are taken from the cover. Maybe it's time to let go...oh heck, I'll give it another seven years.
The Sexual State of the Union
by Susie Bright
I suppose you could say this is a study in cultural anthropology, or rather sexual anthropology, if there even is such a thing. I like this book so much, I may have...er...stolen it...from the library. But that's neither here nor there. My copy is now so battered, the library probably wouldn't take it back anyway. I've highlighted several passages, travelled to Denmark with it, accidentally spilled beer over it, and possibly used it to press leaves...from an illegal plant. This, however, says absolutely nothing about the book, so you'll just have to read it. I will include a short passage;
What is UP with sex lives of the people who love to say NO? Does the God Squad ever entertain impure thoughts? And if they do, how does it affect their politics?
The irony of questioning a conservative's sex life is that so many people think it's too damn rude to ask, while the crusading right wing makes it a point of principle to ask about everyone else's sex lives. Are you now or have you ever been a homosexual? Do you practice sodomy in the privacy of your own home? How old were you when you first had sex? How many people have you slept with? Which ones did you only lust after? Did you practice chastity as a teenager? Do you touch yourself in forbidden places? Why don't you have any children?
Bröderna Lejonhjärta (The Brothers Lionheart)
by Astrid Lindgren
The only book ever to come even close to making me believe in life after death, simply because it sounded like so much fun. If you're not familiar with this book, I'll give you the gist of the plot now:
The Brothers of the story are Karl and Jonatan Lejon (or Lion in the translation), 10 and 13 years old respectively. Karl is dying from an unnamed disease (most likely tuberculosis), and to comfort him his brother tells him the story of a wonderful place filled with adventure, where people go after they die. Shortly after, a fire breaks out, and Jonatan dies after throwing himself out the window with his brother in his arms. Two months later Karl dies, and meets his brother in the land of Nangijala, all traces of the illness gone. All is not well in the land, however, as the evil Tengil and his dragon Katla have enslaved the people of Törnrosdalen (Thornrose Valley), and the brothers along with the other occupants of Körsbärsdale (Cherry Valley) must free them.
The book was criticized for it's portrayal of death and the transmigration of souls, as well as for the ending, which you might understand once you read it.
Ronja Rövardotter (Ronia the Robber's Daughter)
by Astrid Lindgren
All her books are good, but these two have always been my favourites, along with Pippi Longstockings and Emil of Lönneberga (or Maple Hills). Lindgren had the amazing ability to write amazing heroines, independent girls who broke the rules as they pleased, and were every bit as "good" as the boys, closer to tomboy George than girly-girl Anne in Enid Blyton's Famous Five series. Anyway.
Ronja is the daughter of Mattis, the leader of a band of robbers, and grows up in one half of a castle in the woods. The castle has been split in two by lightning, and the other side is occupied by a rival band of robbers, led by Borka. Ronja meets and (eventually) befriends Birk, Borka's son, but cannot let her family know, as they would be furious. They continue to meet in secrecy and become "brother and sister" to one another, eventually leading to her father disowning her. Ronja and Birk run away and live in the forest, but her father repents and everything ends well. Aside from a little character death.
A Little Princess and The Secret Garden
by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Although sentimental to the point of soppiness, these were my favourites as a child. I really can't explain it. Just reading the synopsis makes me all weepy.
Children of Chaos ( or Playing the Future: What We Can Learn From Digital Kids )
by Douglas Rushkoff
The latter title says it all, really. The book discusses how to survive the technological age, the need to adapt, and the merits of Generation X as opposed to the Baby Boomers who spawned it. The six chapters are;
The fall of linear thinking and the rise of chaos,
The fall of duality and the rise of holism,
The fall of mechanism and the rise of animism,
The fall of gravity andthe rise of consensual hallucination,
The fall of metaphor and the rise of recapitulation,
The fall of god and the rise of nature.
by Rita Mae Brown
A coming-of-age novel about lesbian (or bisexual) Molly Bolt, one of the greatest heroines of the 20th century. There is really nothing more to say, except that this was one of the books that truly inspired me to travel, write and have fabulous sex.
by Akif Pirinçci
A truly wonderful crime novel, told from the viewpoint of Francis the cat. Apparently there are sequels, but as I only learned this about twenty seconds ago, I haven't read them. In this book Pirinçci masterfully merges contemporary crime fiction with ethics and philosophy, creating a thrilling story that, unlike many detective novels, loses none of it's qualities even after extensive re-reading.
by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
I love both writers, and this collaboration is nothing short of miraculous. It tells the story of Aziraphale the angel ad Crowley the demon, who try to stop the coming of the Anti-Christ, since they've taken a shine to humanity in general. Other characters include the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse, Anathema Device - descendant of Agnes Nutter, the only truly accurate prophet to have ever lived, and Adam Young, the 11-year-old Anti-Christ.
Well, I'm sure I could go on like this, but I need to eat.
And I do realize that some of them may not be "actors", per se...
Claim to fame: Lone Starr, President of the USA in ID4, and my personal favourite: Daryl Zero in The Zero Effect. Which co-starred...
Claim to fame: Zoolander, Ted Stroehmann, Jerry Stahl, Mr. Furious, Rabbi Jake Schram, Greg Focker, Crazy Screaming Guy on Friends, a bunch of less-than-memorable characters in less-than-great films, and -again a personal favourite- Tony Perkis in Heavyweights.
Claim to fame: I can't believe I left him out. I'm so sorry. "Slick" Calvin Stanhope, Dexter King, Dr. Ian Malcolm, D.H. Banes...I'm not going to mention The Fly, because I have certain...issues with people turning into monstrous half-insects. But maybe that's just me.
Claim to fame: Dr. Alan Grant, Malloy (the Springfield Cat Burglar), John Trent, Dr. Weir, et.c.
Claim to fame: Getting Americans interested in the world outside the US (and possibly Canada). And Marion Frank Stokes in Death to Smoochy, starring...
Claim to fame: T.S. Garp, Adrian Cronauer, John Keating (Oh captain, my captain!), Peter Pan(...oops, Banning), Alan Parrish, Patch Adams, Rainbow Randolph, Sean Maguire.
Claim to fame: Helping Jon Stewart get Americans interested in something other than MTV and the WWF. Although I'll never, ever forgive him for not smothering Ann Coulter with a pillow when he had the chance.
Claim to fame: Jeffrey Coho. Having Denise end up with Brad-the-fucking-republican-ass is just...wrong.
Claim to fame: *Sigh* He's over 70, and I'd still do him. Willy Wonka (the good one, not the Johnny Depp one), Leo Bloom, Dr. Doug Ross (wait a minute...did ER writers have a sense of humour?), The Waco Kid, Dr. Frederick Fronkensteen, Skip Donahue, Dave Lyons.
Claim to fame: Getting people interested in history, politics and religion. I love him. Not only would I do him, I'd overthrow the government with him and establish a communist utopia that would go down the crapper in a few months.
Claim to fame: Roman De Vere. And numerous appearances as himself.
Claim to fame: I really can't believe I forgot John Hannah! Hopefully he'll punish me for this if I ever meet him. Matthew in Four Weddings & a Funeral (the funeral still makes me cry), James Hammerton from Sliding Doors ("Remember what the Monty Python boys say..."), Jonathan Carnahan from the otherwise unspectacular Mummy and it's sequel, Dr. Robert Dalgety from the short-lived but brilliant MDs, Doug from I'm with Lucy, and as the eponymous hero of Rebus.
Claim to fame: Nate Fisher of Six Feet Under. 'Nuff said.
Claim to fame: Richard Karinsky from Caroline in the City, co-starring...
Claim to fame: Caroline in the City's Del.
Claim to fame: Sonny Corleone, Ed Deline.
Claim to fame: Doesn't every list have to include him? Personally I think it goes without saying, but, here goes. Cry-Baby Walker, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Raoul Duke, Ichabod Crane, Roux, Captain Jack, Rochester, and pretty much anything else he may have ever so much as breathed near, except Vanessa Paradis, who annoys the crap out of me.
Richard E. Grant
Claim to fame: Withnail, Simon Marchmont, Cort Romney.
Claim to fame: Spence from Ellen, Ari Gold, Paul Spericki in Grosse Pointe Blank.
John C. McGinley
Claim to fame: This is yet another oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-left-him-ou
Claim to fame: Ryan Sparks from Grace under Fire, Dr. Bruce Kellerman from MDs, Jürgen from Equilibrium.
Claim to fame: Christ himself, Paul Smecker (Oh, how I love Boondock Saints), Kimball in American Psycho, Norman Osborne, John Carpenter in Auto Focus. *Drool*
Claim to fame: The world's most fantastic Scottish accent, Beautiful Joe, Kingdom Swann, Steve Myers, Uncle Monty, Professor Johnston.
Claim to fame: Charles Newman in Three to Tango (and what a crap film that was), Bobby Donnell, John Stark.
Claim to fame: (Don't judge me, it just happened) Robert Barone.
Claim to fame: Brilliant lyricist and composer, 71 and still friggin' hot, Billy the Kid, John Norman Howard, Jesse James, Sheriff Charlie Wade, Whistler. And he can sing, too!
Claim to fame: Tom Farrell in the (sadly) cancelled Love Monkey, Ed, Dan Dorian, Doug from Providence.
Claim to fame: George McFly, Willard, Creepy Thin Guy, Andy Warhol.
Robert Downey Jr.
Claim to fame: Ralph from 1969, Charlie Chaplin, Larry Pal, Harry Lockhart.
Claim to fame: Wow. He'll never forgive me. I've, like, touched him and everything. Being an Executive Transvestite, Tony P. in Mystery Men, Troy in Circus, Von Wangenheim in Shadow of the Vampire, Noma Nagel in Ocean's Twelve and Thirteen.
Ok. I'll stop now. I may be insane. Or I may just be really bored. I'll leave it to you, dear non-existent reader, to decide.